Boston Brahmin

Like most Indians who live in the West, most of my cousins come down to India in the month of December. One of them is H, who lives in Boston. He is a couple of years elder to me and during my adolescence he was more than a cousin, he was my friend, philosopher and guide. Back then, I considered him cool and probably even tried to emulate him.

So, H calls me on a Saturday evening and says we (H, me and two more cousins) should meet up at Forum by 7. I get there a little early. H is already there with his close friend R. After the customary hug and the exchange of pleasantries, we have a little chat while waiting for the other two cousins.

Meeting at Forum on a crowded Saturday evening didn’t make any sense to me.

Me: Of all places, why did you choose Forum on a Saturday evening?
H: Oh, that’s because my eyes are tired of seeing White women. So, I thought there is no better place than Forum to check out some Desi chicks.
Me: You are wrong. If you wanted to check out some chicks, there are better places in Bangalore. But, aren’t there any Desi girls at your University?
H: Oh there are a lot of Desi girls at my University and also in Boston but most of them are ‘Bitches’.

Now, I don’t like that word when it is used to belittle the fairer sex. It is acceptable when the same word is colloquially used amongst friends who share a real camaraderie.

Me: Why do you use that word? I don’t think you should.
H: A Bitch is a Bitch. There is no other word man. Prostitute probably.
Me: Okay. Who according to you is a Bitch?
H: One who sleeps around with a lot of guys.
Me: Hmmm…
H: What’s your definition of a Bitch?
Me: A female dog.
Me: Sex is a requirement of the body. If some girl wants to fulfill that requirement, let her do it man. You might not want to (or might not get to). It’s her life. Let her do what she wants. Why do you have a problem with that?
H: It’s not in our culture to do such things. By the way, what would you call a woman who slept around?
Me: It’s her life man and it’s nobody’s business to call her names. She would certainly have a name and I’d address her by that name.
H: At least none of my friends would like to be associated with a woman who sleeps around.
R to H: Cant you see? He’s getting offended. Why do you want to rub it in?

R makes me feel like a Feminist but I don’t give a fuck. At this point, I feel like telling my cousin, “Fucking stop judging people”.

Me: Okay. What do you call a guy who does the same? Do you have a term to describe a guy who sleeps around?

After thinking for a few seconds.

H: Such a guy can be called a ‘Casanova’.
Me: Give me a break. How often do you use that word? You are practicing double standards man.
H: I have one such roommate and we call him ‘Dagar’ (Kannada slang for a Prostitute).

What he fails to understand is the difference in usage. He obviously uses ‘Dagar’ in lighter vein. Probably, just to pull his friend’s leg. It’s also obvious that he shares camaraderie with his roomie, who would never get offended.

Me: Do you use the word ‘Casanova’ as often or as loosely as the word ‘Bitch’? Let me guess. You don’t.
H: A girl should know where to draw the line.
Me: Exactly. She draws the line for herself, not us. I think the word ‘Bitch’ is derogatory and it should not be used when you are describing a woman. At least, it’s not right for men to use it ( I feel It works the same way as the word ‘Nigger’. It’s okay if African-Americans use it amongst themselves). And also, you are not being fair targeting just one sex.
Again R to H: Forget it man. He is getting offended.

H: Whatever man. I wouldn’t marry someone like that. I’d like to marry a conservative girl.

And I’m thinking.. Dude, what makes you believe such a girl would want to marry you? With this attitude, I’d be surprised if any girl would want to marry you.

Me: Okay. Define a conservative girl for me.
H: A Brahmin, vegetarian girl who is good-looking. I have no problems if she wears short skirts (You have no problems or you would want her to?). Is that too much to ask? My friends in Boston say that I’d never find such a girl in Bangalore. They say I know nothing about Bangalore and I keep telling them that I worked in the city for almost three years before I came to Boston and I’m pretty sure that such girls exist. What do you think?
Me: A Brahmin, vegetarian, conservative, good-looking girl who wears short skirts. And I presume you would want her to be a virgin. Hmmm.. Dunno.. You might find one but I’m yet to meet someone who would fit that description.

H turns towards R expecting a response.

R: I don’t know much about these things. I can’t comment.

Just then, the other two cousins arrive, which brings our conversation to an end. Actually, I wanted to ask him a couple more questions.

1. Would he also call an unmarried girl who has slept with just one person, a Bitch?
2. He wants to marry a conservative, Brahmin girl but does he still qualify as a Brahmin since he eats egg and crossed the seven seas?

I don’t know what makes him believe he has the right to draw lines for others, judge people and call them names. I wanted to tell him that even the PhD he might receive few years down the line would not give him that authority.

P.S: Wiki says Boston Brahmin are the class of New Englanders who claim hereditary and cultural descent from the English Protestants who founded the city of Boston, Massachusetts.

P.P.S: Later on we had another discussion on 'Gays and Lesbians'. He was more receptive in his attitude towards them. But he was also sympathetic. I told him that 'Sympathy' is the last thing they expect.